My Meatballs Are Better Than Your Meatballs

You will need:

- 1 lb Ground Chicken

- 3 Mild Italian Chicken Sausages (casing removed)

- 3 Cloves of Garlic minced
- Half of a White or Yellow Onion finely chopped
- 1 cup of Parsley minced
- 3 or 4 slices of your favorite Bread (crusts cut off)
- 1 Egg
- Your favorite Marinara Sauce

Preheat your oven to 325 degrees F.

In a bowl pour in about 1 cup of water or your favorite Chicken Stock. Dip the bread slices in all together so they soak up all the water and then cupping them between your hands, squeeze all of the excess water out.

In a big bowl combine all the ingredients along with the bread and mash together with your hands making sure everything is mixed well. Take enough mixture to make a ball (a little smaller than a tennis ball) in your palm and lay it out on a foil covered baking sheet. Do this with the rest of the mixture and bake for 20 minutes.

Meanwhile in a pot big enough to hold all of the meatballs, simmer your Marinara sauce. After you remove the meatballs from the oven, add them into the sauce to cook for another 15-20 minutes with the heat turned up to medium.

Enjoy these alone or with your favorite pasta!

Clean Bill Brussel Sprouts

The past few months in my parent's household has been a nightmare. My Father has been battling cancer. One of his three small business had to be taken over by my brother (who is doing a fantastic job!), and my Mom has been working from home, keeping up the house, feeding and clothing and taking care of my Dad and brother as well as watching over 4 dogs, 1 cat and a parrot that screams in Spanish all day. There's been a lot of pressure, needless to say.

BUT! As of this week, my father has been given his official clean bill of health! YES! Applause. "So what does this have to do with food?" you ask? Everything! Food makes life easier for so many people, especially when you go out of your way to cook it for someone else. In the first months of Cancer Battle 2009 my mother could barely make it to Publix in between pre-menopausal breakdowns let alone make a sensible dinner every night 5 nights a week. Thank the heavens we have such a great neighborhood of beautiful people to bring over pizzas, pot roasts, macaroni and booze for my family.

So, if you know someone in your life is having a rough day or week or months, nothing says "Fuck it, we'll get through this together!" like a home-cooked hot meal. In celebration of Dad's recovery, I've come up with an easy side dish that takes no time at all and even cheats a little.

You will need:

1 bag of fresh frozen Brussel Sprouts (I like the Bird's Eye Stemfresh bags)

The juice of half of a lemon

3 Garlic Cloves minced

Salt/Pepper to taste

Olive Oil

- First, coat a small frying pan with olive oil and heat on medium/low heat. Add in your Garlic.

- Meanwhile, microwave your Sprouts and when they're done, chop the bigger ones in half leaving only the really tiny ones whole and toss them into the pan with the Lemon Juice.

- Sautee the Sprouts and add the Salt/Pepper (I like the use the Garlic/Salt grinders for this) to taste. Use as much as you want because it helps make a nice crust on the Sprouts.

- Sautee until the sprouts have a nice dark crust on their sides and serve!

I concocted this recipe the day my family found out my Dad had won. There was next to nothing in the fridge or pantry save for frozen veggies and chicken. It tasted great despite it's store-bought quality. I had also made my Sexy Spinch and Goat Cheese Stuffed Chicken Breast. For a starch, I sliced up some lonely hoagie rolls, brushed them with olive oil and sprinkled some minced garlic on them, baked them and had an easy Garlic Bread Crostini side dish.

Everything came out perfect and the only thing I had to run out and buy was a container of goat cheese! This meal is perfect and fast and healthy and easy! So just keep this in mind next time you're wondering how to show you care without mailing a sympathy card.

Crimson Thai Chicken Curry

You will need:

1 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast sliced 

1 Red Bell Pepper sliced into strips

1/2 White Onion sliced into strips

1 Zucchini sliced

3 or 4 Baby Bella Mushrooms sliced (or whatever your favorite mushroom is)

2 Green Onions for garnish

1 13.5 or 14oz can of Coconut Milk

2 tablespoons of your favorite Red Curry Paste (I used Thai Kitchen for this one but, was dissappointed with it - not spicy AT ALL)

2 tablespoons Brown Sugar or to taste

1 or 2 tablespoons Fish Sauce or to taste

Ground Red Pepper (for as much kick as you like)

Because the curry paste left something to be desired in the spice department, I added in some of my favorite Sriracha sauce which worked out fine.

- Using your wok or a large pan, heat Coconut Milk and Curry Paste on medium for about 5 minutes.

- Then, slightly crank the heat and add in your Fish Sauce, Sugar, Extra Spices and Veggies and let cook for about 3 minutes.

- Add in your Chicken and simmer until it's cooked all the way through.

Serve with Thai Jasmine rice and enjoy this Far East comfort classic!

Keep in mind the Chicken can easily be subbed out for Tofu or just left out completely! 

Nummy Eggy Ramen

Here's another new twist on your boring old ramen!

You will need: 

1 pack of Ramen noodles (any flavor will do since we're not using the packets).

1 Clove of Garlic minced
1 1/2 cups of Chicken Stock (or Veggie Stock)
1 Egg
Red Pepper to taste
White Pepper to taste
Salt/Pepper to taste
1 Green Onion for garnish

- In a saucepan, boil the Stock, Garlic and all of your seasonings together.
- Add the noodles and cover the pot for about 2 minutes.
- Add in your egg and stir while still at a light boil.
- Garnish with Green Onion.

I like to serve this with my favorite Jasmine Rice for 2 reasons:
1) The broth is delicious mixed in with the rice!
2) The egg really makes your house have a kind of funk and the Jasmine Rice covers that smell nicely.

Spicy Veggie Soondubu Chiggae

This is a simple recipe I fell in love with in Korea. It's perfect for a rainy day in front of the TV. Don't be afraid of the spice!

You will need:

1 Zucchini

2 Green Onions

1/2 of a Brown/White Onion

3 Carrots

1 Package of Soft Tofu (sometimes called Silken Tofu)
Enoki or Oyester mushrooms

4 Cloves minced Garlic

Salt/Pepper/Whit Pepper to taste

Korean style red chili pepper paste

Red Pepper Flakes to taste
3 Eggs

Sesame Oil

2 1/2 cups Water

- Heat a saucepan over low/medium heat and add in 2 Tablespoons of sesame oil. Throw in the Garlic to cook for a minute or two.

- Add in the chopped Zucchini, Carrot, White Onion and add a little salt and pepper and the Water.
- Stir in Chili Paste

- Turn up the heat to medium/high and bring it to a boil and cook Veggies for about 3 minutes. If everything starts sticking to the pan too much add in a little bit of water.
-I like to add my eggs here and stir very slightly.

- Season a little more to taste if you want and then add in the mushrooms and your pack of Soft Tofu. Only cook these for about 2 minutes. Try not to stir this too much because the tofu is super soft and will crumble. You want it to stay in bite size chunks.

- If you have a traditional stone bowl, you can transfer your stew into it right now and garnish with sliced Red/Green Peppers, Green Onion.

This recipe is best served with a side of your favorite rice. I prefer Jasmine rice for the fragrance. You can add a few spoonfulls of soup to the rice and eat it as you go or dump your rice into the bowl and eat it that way.

Traditionally, this can also be cooked with ground beef and assorted seafood.

A Quick Shout Out

I just want to take this quick post to give props where props is due. The only person that until recently could ever cook anything beyond the microwave in my family is my Dad.

Our family kitchen is about the size of a phonebooth but somehow he managed to cram a commercial cooking station into it complete with 6 gas skillets, grill, broiler, and two ovens. That monster has been the beating heart of my family's many memories from countless Christmas Eve feasts to regular Sunday dinner. When I started cooking for friends and family I discovered an addictive warm fuzzy happiness and I understand now why my Dad loves it so much. I'm so thankful for him and for the influence he's given me through his love and support for 24 years. And I'm really thankful he didn't complain that the scallops were rubbery and overcooked at my Father's Day dinner tonight.

So, Dad, if you can take a few seconds from e-mailing me hardcore right wing Republican propaganda and read my blog, just know that I love you and if it wasn't for you this blog wouldn't exist. Thanks for everything.

Give Quiche A Chance

This recipe is inspired by a quiche Jon and I had in Savannah. I added a few touches here and there to add a little more fresh garden flavor. Ridiculously easy.

You will need:

- 1 handful of Grape Tomatoes or 2 Whole Tomatos or 1 small bag of Sundried Tomatos

- 2 cups of chopped Spinach

- 8oz. shredded Mozzarella

- Handful of chopped Basil

- 7 large eggs

- 1 and a half cups Heavy Cream

- Salt/Pepper

- Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

- Grease a pie dish with Butter.

- In a blender combine the Eggs, Heavy Cream, Salt and Pepper.

- Line the bottom of the pie dish with the Basil, Spinach, Tomatoes and Mozzarella (the more, the better!) and top with the Egg mixture.

- Bake for 35-45 minutes, cut into wedges and enjoy!

Fiery Green Goblin Quesadilla

You will need:

- 2 Flour or Wheat Tortillas

- Half a can of Quartered Artichoke Hearts chopped

- Big handful of Spinach

- Half of a Pablano Pepper

- 1 clove of Garlic

- 6oz. of shredded Jalapeno Pepper Jack Cheese

- Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F - Here's why: I hate trying to cook my quesadillas in a skillet with canola oil. For some reason, the bastard always gets too soggy and ends up making a huge mess of my stove and I have a minor panic attack/mental breakdown which leads to a drinking binge. I like the oven because it makes the quesadilla super crispie and is way easier.

- Mince together all at once the Garlic, Spinach, and Pablano and then add the chopped Artichoke.

- Lay a Tortilla out onto a non stick baking sheet.

- On the Tortilla layer leaving a one inch border the Cheese, Veggie mixture and then some more Cheese and top with another Tortilla.

- You can choose to place a heavy pan or whatever is oven safe on top of this to flatten it out but it doesn't really matter.

- Cook for a few minutes until golden brown and crispie and then flip the Quesadilla over and do the same with the other side.

- Using a pizza cutter or your favorite knife cut into wedges and enjoy with some salsa, hot sauce, or sour cream!

What I love about this dish is that anything can be put between the two tortillas. Chorizo and Cheddar, Chicken and Goat cheese, etc. Whatever! As my best pal Kiley bitchingly pointed out, people make these all the time with many different ingredients! So just have a good time with it.

Easy-Peasy Caprese Crostini

You will need:

1 French Baguette

2 Tomatoes

Olive Oil

5 Sprigs of Basil

Shredded Mozzarella (but I prefer Herb Goat Cheese - any kind, whatev!)

Salt/Pepper

- Make some Basil Oil. This is done by heating some Olive Oil over medium heat and adding a lot of Basil leaves to it. Take off the heat and let cool and then bring to the heat again a few times and then let sit for a while and cool. The oil should be a deep kind of Crayola Green color. Not so much the Yellowish Green that EVOO looks like.

- Slice the tomato into quarter inch slices and soak in the Basil Oil

- Preheat oven to 400 degrees F

- Slice Baguette into diagonal half inch slices

- Cover the Baguette slices with your choice of cheese, spread onto baking sheet and toast until cheese is melted and bread is crispy

- Meanwhile, grill the soaked tomato slices and afterwards cut them to your liking to fit on top of the bread

- Place the tomato on the bread and season with salt and pepper

- Take the remaining basil leaves, mince, and sprinking over the Crostini.

The beauty of Crostini is that it's a fancy Italian word for CRACKER. Do whatever you want with it! Don't like tomato? Make a fancy "Ham and Cheese" by using Prosciutto and Gouda. Spread with Hummus or an Olive Tapenade! Make it a little Jewey and use Smoked Salmon and your favorite Herb Cream Cheese! Do whatever you want as long as it tastes good.

Delish Knish (One for my Heebs)

- 1 whole Yellow Onion sliced in VERY thin rings and Caramelized

(How you do this: Put two tbsp's of Olive Oil in a saucepan and heat up to medium. Toss in the onions and a little but of sugar (brown or regular) and simmer and stir for 35-40 minutes until the onions are completely brown and taste super sweet.)

- 4 cups Mashed Potatoes

(I like to make mine with a shitload of garlic and red potatoes with the skins left on)

- 1 Egg

- Handfull of fresh finely Chopped Parsley

- Salt/Pepper

- 1/2 cup Vegetable Oil

- 1 cup Water

- 1 tbsp White Vinegar

- 1/2 tsp Salt

- 3-4 cups Flour

- 1/2 cup egg wash (this is just a beaten egg)

- Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

- In a mixing bowl combine the Onions, Potatoes, Egg, Parsley, Salt and Pepper and set aside.

- Let's make the dough now. In a seperate mixing bowl combine the Oil, Water, Vinegar, and Salt adding the flour one cup at a time.

- Knead the dough into a ball.

- Now shape this into 4 seperate balls, cover with a damp paper towel or washcloth and let rest for 30 minutes.

- Now sprinkle some flour on a very clean countertop and roll each ball out into a large rectangle. Cover the 4 of these with a sprinkle of flour and cover with a peice of parchment paper or paper towel and let rest for 15 minutes.

- Repeat the following steps for each rectangle of dough.

- Using your hands flatten out the dough super super SUPER fucking thin.

- Using the side of your hand divide the Potato mixture into 4 equal sections.

- Spread one quarter of the Potato mix onto each rectangle leaving a one inch border of dough.

- Roll the dough tightly like a jellyroll and every so often brush the top with Vegetable Oil.

- Divide the roll into 3 parts and cut using the side of your hand.

- Pinch the ends closed and brush the tops with the eggwash and bake in batches on a nonstick baking sheet for 25-30 minutes until golden brown.

Now you can enjoy immedately but, I like to refrigerate them overnight in a tupperware. Then, whenever I'm ready to enjoy, I wrap a Knish in a damp paper towel and microwave for 1 minute. Best enjoyed with Dijon Mustard or your fave Hot Sauce. But do whatever you like!

You can also make this recipe with bacon bits and your favorite cheese. Go nuts! Whatever you like on your potatoes just add to the mix!

Crabby Bellas

You will need:

- 1 LB Jumbo Lump Crab Meat

- 1 TBSP Mayonnaise or Nayonnaise (Soy mayo by Nasoya)

- 1 TSP Dijon Mustard

- 1 TSP Worchestershire Sauce

- 1 TSP Crab Boil seasoning (or any Cajun seasoning will do)

- 12 Saltine Crackers

- 1 Egg

- Butter (enough for a quarter of a TBSP for each Portobello

- 4 - 6 Portobello Caps (destemmed)

- Salt/Pepper

- Paprika

- Lemon slices

- Handful of chopped Parsley for garnish

- In a mixing bowl combine everything except the Crab Meat, Parsley, Paprika, Portobello. Lemon and Butter.

- Gently fold in the Crab Meat making sure every peice has had some contact with the mixture.

- Stuff the Portobello caps with the Crab Meat and top each with 1/4 slice of Butter.

- Place in the fridge for 2 hours.

- Preheat oven to 380 degrees F and bake the Bellos on a non stick baking sheet for 15 minutes.

- Now broil the Caps for 2 minutes.

- Garnish with Parsely, a Sprinkle of Paprika, Lemon and enjoy!

The Firenze Special

You will need:

- 2 Turkey/Chicken Sausage links with the casings pulled off

- Premade tube of Polenta

- Half a Bell Pepper (Yellow or Red) sliced

- Half an onion sliced

- 2 minced Cloves of Garlic

- Olive Oil

- Canola Oil

- Baslamic Vinegar

- Salt/Pepper

- Coat a frying pan with a bit of Olive Oil and turn up to med/high heat. 

- Throw in Sausage, Bell Pepper, Onion and Garlic. Add Balsamic Vinegar to taste, cover and cook thuroughly until there's no more pink in the meat.

- Meanwhile slice the Polenta into half inch patties and season both sides with salt and pepper.

- Coat another pan with Canola oil (about 2 teaspoons) and fry the polenta on both sides for about 4 minutes.

- When the Sausage mix is done top the polenta with it and serve.

Sexy Spinach and Goat Cheese Stuffed Chicken Breast

You will need:

Boneless, skinless chicken breasts (however many you're cooking)

Leaf Spinach (the kind that comes in a bag, not frozen)

Crumbled goat cheese

Salt/Pepper

Your favorite seasonings

- Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F and line a baking pan with foil

- On an extremely clean cutting board take your chicken breast and carefully slice it through the middle opening to make a butterfly cut. Don't slice all the way through.

- On one side add the goat cheese and spinach and close the chicken.

- Top with your salt, pepper and favorite seasoning.

- Bake for 20 - 25 minutes depending on your oven.

Goes great with Jolly Green French Fries!

The Bitch's Better Ramen

Everyone loves Top Ramen. I do. With a vengeance. However, it's jam packed with more sodium and MSG than you can shake a stick at and it wreaks havoc on your metabolism. So here's a way to make equally delicious ramen that won't fuck up your figure as much.

You will need:

1 Pack of your favorite flavor of Top Ramen

2 cups of Chicken Stock (or Beef or Fish depending on your favorite flavor)

Ginger grated of powdered (to taste)

Salt/Pepper (to taste)

White Pepper (to taste)

Celery Seed (to taste)

Thyme (to taste)

Onion Powder (to taste)

Garlic minced or powdered (to taste)

Red Pepper flakes (to taste)

Sriracha (optional)

- Begin by heating up 1 cup of water to a boil and add all of the ingredients except the noodles.

- Use as much as a pinch up to a quarter of the seasoning that comes in the packet of your ramen.

- When everything is boiling together add the noodles.

- When your noodles are soft and no longer stuck together, you're ready.

NOTE: Sriracha is a popular Thai chili sauce. It adds a great flavor but BEWARE. This shit is LETHAL as far as heat goes. Use wisely. 

Also, when eating spring rolls, it's really good to mix it with Hoisen sauce. 

EDIT! It has come to my attention that Sriracha is in fact NOT a Thai sauce but an American one invented by a Vietnamese dude. Thanks, Ricky! For fantastic reviews of Orlando's culinary offerings check out my pal Ricky's blog Tasty Chomps!

Super Stacked Veggie Sandwich

You will need:

- 2 big slices of the Bread of your choice. I like Sourdough.

- 1 Portobello cap halved

- 2 slices of Tomato

- 1 huge handful of Spinach

- 2 Garlic Cloves minced

- Gorgonzola or the cheese of your choice.

- Olive Oil

- Red Wine Vinegar

- Salt/Pepper

- Heat a pan over medium heat and coat with oil. Toss in the Spinach and Garlic and sautee until spinach is soft and wilted. Splash with Vinegar. Season to taste. Remove from pan.

- Coat again with oil and cook the Portobello the same way.

- Meanwhile, toast the bread and season your Tomato slices.

- Assemble and enjoy!

Fat-Ass Friendly Roasted Veggie Pasta

You will need:

- Pasta of your choice. I like Mostaccioli or Penne for this one.

- Asparagus cut into 3 peices/stalk

- Grape Tomatoes

- 1 Portobello cap cubed

- 2 Cloves Garlic minced

- Salt/Pepper/Seasoning of your choice

- Olive Oil

- Heat your oven to 400 degrees F, line a baking sheet with tin foil, and drizzle with the oil.

- Meanwhile heat up a pot of salted water to a boil for your pasta.

- Add Garlic, Asparagus, Portobello, Tomatoes and seasonings to the tray, drizzle with more oil and make sure everything is coated evenly. 

- Roast the veggies in the oven for 15 - 18 minutes while your pasta cooks depending on how crispy you want your asparagus.

- Drain the pasta after it reaches al dente, drizzle a little oil in the bottom of the pot, take off the heat and add the pasta and veggies in. 

- Toss and enjoy!

- This also tastes great topped with some Parmesan or Manchego!

Freakin' Fab Fried Rice

You will need:

2 cups Cooked Rice (I use Jasmine but Long Grain is fine)

Handful of Baby Carrots chopped

1 cup of thawed frozen Peas

Half a Red Onion (or Scallions or White Onion) chopped

2 cloves of minced Garlic

2 Eggs

Handful of Bean Sprouts

3 Tbsp Wok Oil (or Peanut Oil)

2 Tbsp Soy Sauce

1 Tbsp Sesame Oil

2 Tbsp minced Ginger

Salt/White Pepper (or Black, whatev)

Red Pepper Flakes (pinch)

- Coat the bottom of a well seasoned wok or large pan with 1 tbsp of Wok Oil and turn on med/high heat

- Lightly wisk the eggs and add to the wok. Tilt around the wok to make a thin egg "pancake" then, turn it over onto a cutting board and cut into small peices

- Wipe out the wok with a paper towel and coat it with the remaining wok oil and turn up to high heat

- Add in the peas, garlic, ginger, onion, carrots, red pepper, salt and pepper and sautee for around 2 minutes.

- Add in the rice, sesame oil, and soy sauce and sautee for another minute or so

- Toss in the egg and bean sprouts just so they're heated up and serve immediately.

You can also add in mushrooms, shrimp, pork, chicken or beef to this as well. This is way way easy.

Caprese (Kuh-PRAY-Say)

You will need:


1 Tomato
1 Ball of FRESH Mozzarella
Olive Oil
Balsamic Glaze
Fresh Basil


- Slice tomato
- Slice Mozzarella
- Slice up some Basil
- Drizzle plate with oil/glaze
- Assemble however you like.
- If you fuck this recipe up, GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN. You most likely will hurt yourself.

The Bitch's Baked Ziti

You will need:

1lb. Ground Chicken Breast (or Turkey)
4 Chicken/Turkey Sausage Links (casings peeled off)
3 Cloves of Garlic minced
3 Basil Leaves chopped
1 Box of Ziti (I just use Penne)
1 Jar of your fave Marinara Sauce
1 15oz tub of Ricotta Cheese
1 bag of shredded Mozzarella cheese
Salt/Pepper
Red Pepper flakes (to taste)
Olive Oil


- Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F
- Heat a pan on high and drizzle in some oil.
- Add the garlic and meat and using the sharp end of a spatula break the meat apart into small chunks. Season with the salt/pepper/red pepper/basil and whatever other seasoning you like. Oregano, Terragon, Thyme, etc.
- MAKE SURE THE MEAT IS COOKED ALL THE WAY THROUGH! This is poultry and it will seriously mess up your life if it's served raw.
- Meanwhile, bring a large pot of water to a boil and cook the pasta to al dente.
- After draining the pasta add the sauce to the same pot and keep it over medium/low heat.
- Add in the meat, ricotta and pasta to the sauce and mix together well.
- Transfer entire mixture into a large baking dish and cover liberally with the Mozzarella cheese.
- Bake for about 20 minutes until the cheese is nice a brown and bubbly.
- Garnish with some parsley or basil and enjoy!

Cous Cous Party in a Pepper

You will need:

4 Large sturdy red, yellow, orange, green, whatever peppers hollowed out (no seeds or white stuff at all!). Save the tops or not.
4 Cloves of Garlic minced
1 Zucchini chopped
2 small or 1 big Yellow Squash chopped
1 Eggplant chopped
1 Handful of Sun-dried Tomatoes chopped
1 Cup of Israeli Cous Cous (cooked)
2 Cups of chopped Turkey Bacon
Splash of Hot Sauce of your choice (I like Crystal)
Half a cup of Marinara Sauce
Salt/Pepper
Olive Oil
Red Pepper flakes
Mozzarella or Provalone cheese

- Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F
- Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and drizzle Olive Oil on it
- Throw all of the zucchini, squash, garlic, bacon, and eggplant onto the pan and drizzle again with oil
- Season the veggies with salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, hot sauce and toss together
- Spread veggies out evenly on pan and let roast in the oven for 15-18 minutes
- Take veggies out and add the sun-dried tomatoes, cous cous and marinara sauce and put back in the oven for a few more minutes or until the veggies have a soft enough texture of your taste.
- Stuff the peppers with the cous cous and top with cheese
- CAREFULLY put the peppers in the oven until they're cooked through. You'll know when because their colors will change. Compare with the tops you've cut off the peppers
- If you're a strict Veg you can always leave out the bacon and maybe substitute Artichoke Hearts. If you want more meat this is perfect for some chopped up shrimp or bits of Sausage.

Stereotypical Guinea Shrimp Dish

You will need:

1 lb of medium sized peeled, de-veined (no shrimp shit!) shrimp
1 Airplane bottle of white wine (found in convenient 4-packs at 7-11)
3 tbsp of BUTTER Y'ALL!!! (I won't say the word "butter" unless it's in a Paula Deen accent)
1 lemon
3 Cloves of finely minced Garlic
Half a cup of chopped fresh Parsley
Salt/Pepper
Olive Oil
Angel Hair pasta or whatever you like

- Heat your pan on med/high and just drizzle a small amount of Olive Oil
- When the oil is hot enough throw in the garlic
- Add the butter and the wine and let the butter melt
- Put your shrimp in a bag and season with the salt/pepper. Seal the bag and shake and then toss the shrimp into the pan.
- Add the parsley and the juice of your lemon. For extra flavor you can throw the skins in (no seeds!) just make sure you remove them before you serve.
- Meanwhile you should have boiled water, added pasta, blah blah blah.
- Plate the pasta and using tongs, place the shrimp on top. Then add the remaining sauce over the pasta, garnish with a little more parsley and enjoy.
- Every Italian has their own way of making the shrimp/white wine sauce. This mine because it's easy and tasty and eating shrimp at home makes me feel rich.

Sweet Peach Savannah Salsa, Y'all

You will need:

3 or 4 ripe ass Peaches peeled, de-cored, and diced
3 or 4 Tomatoes diced
1 Red or Orange or Yellow pepper diced
1 Red onion diced
2 Jalapenos gutted (no seeds!) and diced
3 Garlic cloves minced
1 tablespoon of Cilantro
Apple Cider Vinegar
Honey
Sugar
Red Wine Vinegar
Salt/Pepper
Red Pepper flakes

- This recipe is so fun because NOTHING IS EXACT!
- Pretty much throw all this shit into one big pan, bring to a boil and then down to a simmer.
- Keep tasting it to help you decide if it needs more of this or that.
- Once you've gotten everything to the exact taste/textures you want, throw it into a container and let it chill overnight in the fridge.
- PS: I fuckin HATE Cilantro but I only use a teeny tiny bit in this recipe because it really works well with the jalapenos and salsa just tastes naked without it. But if you love it, go nuts. You can also use fresh mint for a refreshing blast that doesn't taste bitter.

Polenta Fritters with a Sweet and Spicy Bruschetta Relish

You will need:

1 Tube of pre-made polenta (any flavor can work but I use Basil/Garlic)
3 Big leaves of Basil
2 Garlic Cloves
1 Tomato
1 Red Onion
Olive Oil
Red Pepper Flakes
Oregano flakes
Salt/Pepper
Balsamic Vinegar
Honey
2 eggs
Grated Parmesan Cheese
Pile of Italian seasoned breadcrumbs

- Heat a saucepan on med/high heat and fill about one third up with Olive Oil
- Slice the polenta log into half inch slices
- Wash the polenta slices in egg and then cover in breadcrumbs
- Toss (GINGERLY) into the pan and turn over when browned
- When the polenta is browned on both sides place onto a dish lined with paper towels to absoarb excess grease
- Meanwhile, mix half a cup of olive oil and half a cup of balsamic into a bowl
- Mince the garlic and add that
- Add red pepper flakes, oregano, salt and pepper to taste
- Add one big squirt of honey and mix like fuckin crazy!
- Chop the tomato and onion into small cubes
- Spread the tomato/onion mix over polenta fritters
- Drizzle the dressing over the relish and top with grated parmesan cheese and chopped basil

Jolly Green French Fries

You will need:

1 Pack of Asparagus
Olive Oil
Salt/Pepper
Grated Parmesan cheese

- Preheat oven to 400 degrees F
- On a baking sheet, cover with aluminum foil
- Snap the asparagus ends off and spread onto the baking sheet
- Drizzle with olive oil and salt/pepper to taste
- Shake the tray to evenly distribute the oil and seasoning
- Lightly top with the grated cheese
- Bake for 15 - 20 minutes depending on how crispy you want the fries to be

You can also add whichever favorite spice you like to this dish. I like the Italian grinder seasonings. Even a bit of minced garlic can really pump up this dish.

This very same recipe also works with substituting Yellow Squash or Zucchini.

Dante's Sweet Sausege and Peppers

You will need:

1 Loaf of Italian bread
1 Pack of mild Italian turkey sausages
2 Red bell peppers
1 Red onion
2 Cloves of garlic
Sliced Mozzarella cheese
Olive oil
Balsamic vinegar
salt/pepper

- In a pan pour in a cup and a half of water
- Drizzle into the water about 2 tablespoons of Olive Oil
- Poke some holes in the sausage to ventilate it and add to pan. The water will steam the sausages so they are cooked through nice and plump and the minimal oil will brown the outside without making the casing too hard.
- Turn on your broiler.
- Mince the garlic and add to pan.
- Chop up the onion and red pepper into long thin slices and add to pan when all the water has evaporated.
- Add as much or as little balsamic as you like and season with salt and pepper. You can also add red pepper flakes for a great kick.
- Meanwhile, slice the bread into 6 inch long hoagie rolls and slice them wide open.
- Line the bread with the mozzarella cheese and put under the broiler until the cheese is melted and bubbly.
- Add contents of sausage pan to the rolls and enjoy!

Baby-Meatloafs with Big Ass Baked Potatoes topped with a Rosemary Herb Butter, Bitches

for the MEATLOAF (makes 4 baby loaves)

you will need:

1lb of ground chicken
3 turkey sausages (mild italian flavor)
3 rods of Rosemary
handfull of parsley
1 cup of minced red onions
3 garlic cloves
3 minced baby carrots
1 can of chicken stock
2 slices of honey wheat bread
1 egg
salt/pepper
onion powder
sliced mozzarella

- Preheat oven to 375 degrees F
- Pam up a big baking dish (glass, ceramic, whatever)
- chop/mince the shit out of the parsley, rosemary, carrots, garlic and red onion
- take the sausage out of the casings and combine with the pound of ground chicken
- throw in the veggie/herb mixture
- throw in the salt, pepper, and onion (as much as you like)
- add the egg
- add about a half cup of chicken stock
- in a separate bowl put in a half cup of chicken stock and add the bread slices
- squeeze out as much stock as you can from the soaked bread and add it to the bowl of meat
- use your hands and mix up all those ingredients
- using just your hand divide the meat into 4 sections.
- each section makes a baby meatloaf. shape and put in the baking dish.
- dish goes in the oven for 40 - 50 minutes.
- as the meat begins to get a nice brown (about 40 minutes) you can take it out of the oven and top with a slice of mozzarella, place back in oven and then when the cheese melts. it's ready.

BAKED POTATO!

you will need:

- Big brown Idaho potatoes
- Aluminum foil
- 2 springs of Rosemary
- one and a half cup soft butter (room temp)
- salt/pepper

- with a fork, stab the shit out of those potatoes
- wrap them individually in foil and toss them into the oven same time as the meatloaf
- in the meantime, mince the rosemary and mix it into the butter
- salt/pepper to taste and toss the butter in the fridge

ADD ONS FOR YOUR TATERS

you can also serve your potato with the old favorites:

- fry up some turkey bacon or pancetta and chop
- sour cream
- shredded cheddar
- whatev!

Enjoy, bitches.

* this recipe also goes fantastic paired with some south florida chronic *

Baby Tomato Nom Noms

You will need:

1 pack of grape tomatoes
2 garlic cloves
2 BIG basil leaves
olive oil
balsamic vinegar
Salt/Pepper

- Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F
- Take two big sheets of aluminum foil and shape them into a double layered bowl.
- Toss the tomatoes, oil, and vinegar into the "bowl."
- Finely chop the basil and garlic and toss into the "bowl."
- Season with the salt and pepper as much as you like.
- Try to close the "bowl" so you can shake together all the ingredients or just mix it with a spoon.
- Put it in the oven and cook for about 15-18 minutes.

Easy As Fuck Chicken Parmesan

You wil need:

2 boneless skinless chicken breasts
Italian bread crumbs
Sliced provalone or mozzarella
1 jar of marinera (if you can't have homemade then ONLY BUY CLASSICO brand sauce. I just won't budge on this one)
Angel Hair pasta (or whichever you prefer)
3 big basil leaves
2 eggs
Olive oil

-In a medium sized pan heat about a 1/3 to 1/2 cup of olive oil on med/high heat.
-Cut the chicken breasts in half (longways through the middle) so that you have two identical cuts of meat just thinner.
-In a bowl, beat the 2 eggs with a fork so all the yolk mixes in with the white.
-Meanwhile, start boiling your pasta water in a seperate pot.
-Heat your oven to about 400 degrees F.
-Dip the chicken in the egg so it's completely coated and do the same with the breadcrumbs.
-CAREFULLY place the breaded chicken cuts into the hot oil to fry until browned and then turn over.
-To drain excess oil, place done chicken cuts onto a plate with paper towels.
-When the water boils place the angel hair in and stir.
-After the chicken is finished get rid of the oil in the pan and reduce the heat to low.
-Put a few tablespoons of marinera sauce into the pan and place the chicken cutlets on top of the sauce.
-On top of the chicken add as much provalone or mozzarella cheese as desired and then place the pan in the oven handle and all and remove once the cheese is full melted.
-REMEMBER THE HANDLE OF THE PAN WILL BE HOT!!! DON'T BURN YOSELF!
-Drain the finished pasta and turn off the oven and both skillets.
-Place the done chicken on a plate over a few spoonfulls of sauce. Meanwhile, heat some sauce in the hot skillet that was previously in the oven.
-Add the pasta to the plate and top with the heated sauce. You can plate the chicken over the pastsa or to the side.
-Chop up the basil in ribbons or in small cuts, whatever floats your tits!

ENJOY!

~*~This dish can also be served without cheese or sauce, simply a bit of lemon juice over a bed of greens as Chicken Milanese. The dish also works with veal or eggplant for you veggiemunchers. Just be sure to salt the SHIT out of the eggplant or else the egg and breading won't stick.~*~

Yummy Ass Spinach

2008 was the year i realized i can cook fairly well. i decided to start sharing my recipes with you lambs here in hopes you'll enjoy making and eating them just as much as i did. keep this in your back pocket forever bc the most important room in the home is the kitchen.

Yummy Ass Spinach

You'll need:

3 garlic cloves (or less or more! I'm obsessed with garlic so the more the better)
1 pack of frozen spinach
1 red bell pepper
1 cup (more/less) red onion
1 lemon
extra virgin olive oil
red pepper flakes
salt
pepper

defrost spinach.
layer the bottom of a frying pan with the oil on medium to med/high heat.
chop garlic or slice into thin chips and let brown in the pan.
chop the red onion and toss that in too.
add the spinach.
chop red pepper however you wish and toss into the pan.
season with the salt/pepper and red pepper flake (if you like a little heat).
slice open the lemon in half and squeeze as much or little juice as you like.

This makes a fantastic side dish or a light lunch. I like to cut a whole wheat pita bread in half, stuff in a slice of provalone cheese inside and then fill it with the hot spinach and eat as a sandwich.

Enjoy, bitches.