Crabby Bellas

You will need:

- 1 LB Jumbo Lump Crab Meat

- 1 TBSP Mayonnaise or Nayonnaise (Soy mayo by Nasoya)

- 1 TSP Dijon Mustard

- 1 TSP Worchestershire Sauce

- 1 TSP Crab Boil seasoning (or any Cajun seasoning will do)

- 12 Saltine Crackers

- 1 Egg

- Butter (enough for a quarter of a TBSP for each Portobello

- 4 - 6 Portobello Caps (destemmed)

- Salt/Pepper

- Paprika

- Lemon slices

- Handful of chopped Parsley for garnish

- In a mixing bowl combine everything except the Crab Meat, Parsley, Paprika, Portobello. Lemon and Butter.

- Gently fold in the Crab Meat making sure every peice has had some contact with the mixture.

- Stuff the Portobello caps with the Crab Meat and top each with 1/4 slice of Butter.

- Place in the fridge for 2 hours.

- Preheat oven to 380 degrees F and bake the Bellos on a non stick baking sheet for 15 minutes.

- Now broil the Caps for 2 minutes.

- Garnish with Parsely, a Sprinkle of Paprika, Lemon and enjoy!

The Firenze Special

You will need:

- 2 Turkey/Chicken Sausage links with the casings pulled off

- Premade tube of Polenta

- Half a Bell Pepper (Yellow or Red) sliced

- Half an onion sliced

- 2 minced Cloves of Garlic

- Olive Oil

- Canola Oil

- Baslamic Vinegar

- Salt/Pepper

- Coat a frying pan with a bit of Olive Oil and turn up to med/high heat. 

- Throw in Sausage, Bell Pepper, Onion and Garlic. Add Balsamic Vinegar to taste, cover and cook thuroughly until there's no more pink in the meat.

- Meanwhile slice the Polenta into half inch patties and season both sides with salt and pepper.

- Coat another pan with Canola oil (about 2 teaspoons) and fry the polenta on both sides for about 4 minutes.

- When the Sausage mix is done top the polenta with it and serve.

Sexy Spinach and Goat Cheese Stuffed Chicken Breast

You will need:

Boneless, skinless chicken breasts (however many you're cooking)

Leaf Spinach (the kind that comes in a bag, not frozen)

Crumbled goat cheese

Salt/Pepper

Your favorite seasonings

- Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F and line a baking pan with foil

- On an extremely clean cutting board take your chicken breast and carefully slice it through the middle opening to make a butterfly cut. Don't slice all the way through.

- On one side add the goat cheese and spinach and close the chicken.

- Top with your salt, pepper and favorite seasoning.

- Bake for 20 - 25 minutes depending on your oven.

Goes great with Jolly Green French Fries!

The Bitch's Better Ramen

Everyone loves Top Ramen. I do. With a vengeance. However, it's jam packed with more sodium and MSG than you can shake a stick at and it wreaks havoc on your metabolism. So here's a way to make equally delicious ramen that won't fuck up your figure as much.

You will need:

1 Pack of your favorite flavor of Top Ramen

2 cups of Chicken Stock (or Beef or Fish depending on your favorite flavor)

Ginger grated of powdered (to taste)

Salt/Pepper (to taste)

White Pepper (to taste)

Celery Seed (to taste)

Thyme (to taste)

Onion Powder (to taste)

Garlic minced or powdered (to taste)

Red Pepper flakes (to taste)

Sriracha (optional)

- Begin by heating up 1 cup of water to a boil and add all of the ingredients except the noodles.

- Use as much as a pinch up to a quarter of the seasoning that comes in the packet of your ramen.

- When everything is boiling together add the noodles.

- When your noodles are soft and no longer stuck together, you're ready.

NOTE: Sriracha is a popular Thai chili sauce. It adds a great flavor but BEWARE. This shit is LETHAL as far as heat goes. Use wisely. 

Also, when eating spring rolls, it's really good to mix it with Hoisen sauce. 

EDIT! It has come to my attention that Sriracha is in fact NOT a Thai sauce but an American one invented by a Vietnamese dude. Thanks, Ricky! For fantastic reviews of Orlando's culinary offerings check out my pal Ricky's blog Tasty Chomps!

Super Stacked Veggie Sandwich

You will need:

- 2 big slices of the Bread of your choice. I like Sourdough.

- 1 Portobello cap halved

- 2 slices of Tomato

- 1 huge handful of Spinach

- 2 Garlic Cloves minced

- Gorgonzola or the cheese of your choice.

- Olive Oil

- Red Wine Vinegar

- Salt/Pepper

- Heat a pan over medium heat and coat with oil. Toss in the Spinach and Garlic and sautee until spinach is soft and wilted. Splash with Vinegar. Season to taste. Remove from pan.

- Coat again with oil and cook the Portobello the same way.

- Meanwhile, toast the bread and season your Tomato slices.

- Assemble and enjoy!

Fat-Ass Friendly Roasted Veggie Pasta

You will need:

- Pasta of your choice. I like Mostaccioli or Penne for this one.

- Asparagus cut into 3 peices/stalk

- Grape Tomatoes

- 1 Portobello cap cubed

- 2 Cloves Garlic minced

- Salt/Pepper/Seasoning of your choice

- Olive Oil

- Heat your oven to 400 degrees F, line a baking sheet with tin foil, and drizzle with the oil.

- Meanwhile heat up a pot of salted water to a boil for your pasta.

- Add Garlic, Asparagus, Portobello, Tomatoes and seasonings to the tray, drizzle with more oil and make sure everything is coated evenly. 

- Roast the veggies in the oven for 15 - 18 minutes while your pasta cooks depending on how crispy you want your asparagus.

- Drain the pasta after it reaches al dente, drizzle a little oil in the bottom of the pot, take off the heat and add the pasta and veggies in. 

- Toss and enjoy!

- This also tastes great topped with some Parmesan or Manchego!

Freakin' Fab Fried Rice

You will need:

2 cups Cooked Rice (I use Jasmine but Long Grain is fine)

Handful of Baby Carrots chopped

1 cup of thawed frozen Peas

Half a Red Onion (or Scallions or White Onion) chopped

2 cloves of minced Garlic

2 Eggs

Handful of Bean Sprouts

3 Tbsp Wok Oil (or Peanut Oil)

2 Tbsp Soy Sauce

1 Tbsp Sesame Oil

2 Tbsp minced Ginger

Salt/White Pepper (or Black, whatev)

Red Pepper Flakes (pinch)

- Coat the bottom of a well seasoned wok or large pan with 1 tbsp of Wok Oil and turn on med/high heat

- Lightly wisk the eggs and add to the wok. Tilt around the wok to make a thin egg "pancake" then, turn it over onto a cutting board and cut into small peices

- Wipe out the wok with a paper towel and coat it with the remaining wok oil and turn up to high heat

- Add in the peas, garlic, ginger, onion, carrots, red pepper, salt and pepper and sautee for around 2 minutes.

- Add in the rice, sesame oil, and soy sauce and sautee for another minute or so

- Toss in the egg and bean sprouts just so they're heated up and serve immediately.

You can also add in mushrooms, shrimp, pork, chicken or beef to this as well. This is way way easy.