Sexy Spinach and Goat Cheese Stuffed Chicken Breast

You will need:

Boneless, skinless chicken breasts (however many you're cooking)

Leaf Spinach (the kind that comes in a bag, not frozen)

Crumbled goat cheese

Salt/Pepper

Your favorite seasonings

- Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F and line a baking pan with foil

- On an extremely clean cutting board take your chicken breast and carefully slice it through the middle opening to make a butterfly cut. Don't slice all the way through.

- On one side add the goat cheese and spinach and close the chicken.

- Top with your salt, pepper and favorite seasoning.

- Bake for 20 - 25 minutes depending on your oven.

Goes great with Jolly Green French Fries!

The Bitch's Better Ramen

Everyone loves Top Ramen. I do. With a vengeance. However, it's jam packed with more sodium and MSG than you can shake a stick at and it wreaks havoc on your metabolism. So here's a way to make equally delicious ramen that won't fuck up your figure as much.

You will need:

1 Pack of your favorite flavor of Top Ramen

2 cups of Chicken Stock (or Beef or Fish depending on your favorite flavor)

Ginger grated of powdered (to taste)

Salt/Pepper (to taste)

White Pepper (to taste)

Celery Seed (to taste)

Thyme (to taste)

Onion Powder (to taste)

Garlic minced or powdered (to taste)

Red Pepper flakes (to taste)

Sriracha (optional)

- Begin by heating up 1 cup of water to a boil and add all of the ingredients except the noodles.

- Use as much as a pinch up to a quarter of the seasoning that comes in the packet of your ramen.

- When everything is boiling together add the noodles.

- When your noodles are soft and no longer stuck together, you're ready.

NOTE: Sriracha is a popular Thai chili sauce. It adds a great flavor but BEWARE. This shit is LETHAL as far as heat goes. Use wisely. 

Also, when eating spring rolls, it's really good to mix it with Hoisen sauce. 

EDIT! It has come to my attention that Sriracha is in fact NOT a Thai sauce but an American one invented by a Vietnamese dude. Thanks, Ricky! For fantastic reviews of Orlando's culinary offerings check out my pal Ricky's blog Tasty Chomps!

Super Stacked Veggie Sandwich

You will need:

- 2 big slices of the Bread of your choice. I like Sourdough.

- 1 Portobello cap halved

- 2 slices of Tomato

- 1 huge handful of Spinach

- 2 Garlic Cloves minced

- Gorgonzola or the cheese of your choice.

- Olive Oil

- Red Wine Vinegar

- Salt/Pepper

- Heat a pan over medium heat and coat with oil. Toss in the Spinach and Garlic and sautee until spinach is soft and wilted. Splash with Vinegar. Season to taste. Remove from pan.

- Coat again with oil and cook the Portobello the same way.

- Meanwhile, toast the bread and season your Tomato slices.

- Assemble and enjoy!

Fat-Ass Friendly Roasted Veggie Pasta

You will need:

- Pasta of your choice. I like Mostaccioli or Penne for this one.

- Asparagus cut into 3 peices/stalk

- Grape Tomatoes

- 1 Portobello cap cubed

- 2 Cloves Garlic minced

- Salt/Pepper/Seasoning of your choice

- Olive Oil

- Heat your oven to 400 degrees F, line a baking sheet with tin foil, and drizzle with the oil.

- Meanwhile heat up a pot of salted water to a boil for your pasta.

- Add Garlic, Asparagus, Portobello, Tomatoes and seasonings to the tray, drizzle with more oil and make sure everything is coated evenly. 

- Roast the veggies in the oven for 15 - 18 minutes while your pasta cooks depending on how crispy you want your asparagus.

- Drain the pasta after it reaches al dente, drizzle a little oil in the bottom of the pot, take off the heat and add the pasta and veggies in. 

- Toss and enjoy!

- This also tastes great topped with some Parmesan or Manchego!

Freakin' Fab Fried Rice

You will need:

2 cups Cooked Rice (I use Jasmine but Long Grain is fine)

Handful of Baby Carrots chopped

1 cup of thawed frozen Peas

Half a Red Onion (or Scallions or White Onion) chopped

2 cloves of minced Garlic

2 Eggs

Handful of Bean Sprouts

3 Tbsp Wok Oil (or Peanut Oil)

2 Tbsp Soy Sauce

1 Tbsp Sesame Oil

2 Tbsp minced Ginger

Salt/White Pepper (or Black, whatev)

Red Pepper Flakes (pinch)

- Coat the bottom of a well seasoned wok or large pan with 1 tbsp of Wok Oil and turn on med/high heat

- Lightly wisk the eggs and add to the wok. Tilt around the wok to make a thin egg "pancake" then, turn it over onto a cutting board and cut into small peices

- Wipe out the wok with a paper towel and coat it with the remaining wok oil and turn up to high heat

- Add in the peas, garlic, ginger, onion, carrots, red pepper, salt and pepper and sautee for around 2 minutes.

- Add in the rice, sesame oil, and soy sauce and sautee for another minute or so

- Toss in the egg and bean sprouts just so they're heated up and serve immediately.

You can also add in mushrooms, shrimp, pork, chicken or beef to this as well. This is way way easy.

Caprese (Kuh-PRAY-Say)

You will need:


1 Tomato
1 Ball of FRESH Mozzarella
Olive Oil
Balsamic Glaze
Fresh Basil


- Slice tomato
- Slice Mozzarella
- Slice up some Basil
- Drizzle plate with oil/glaze
- Assemble however you like.
- If you fuck this recipe up, GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN. You most likely will hurt yourself.

The Bitch's Baked Ziti

You will need:

1lb. Ground Chicken Breast (or Turkey)
4 Chicken/Turkey Sausage Links (casings peeled off)
3 Cloves of Garlic minced
3 Basil Leaves chopped
1 Box of Ziti (I just use Penne)
1 Jar of your fave Marinara Sauce
1 15oz tub of Ricotta Cheese
1 bag of shredded Mozzarella cheese
Salt/Pepper
Red Pepper flakes (to taste)
Olive Oil


- Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F
- Heat a pan on high and drizzle in some oil.
- Add the garlic and meat and using the sharp end of a spatula break the meat apart into small chunks. Season with the salt/pepper/red pepper/basil and whatever other seasoning you like. Oregano, Terragon, Thyme, etc.
- MAKE SURE THE MEAT IS COOKED ALL THE WAY THROUGH! This is poultry and it will seriously mess up your life if it's served raw.
- Meanwhile, bring a large pot of water to a boil and cook the pasta to al dente.
- After draining the pasta add the sauce to the same pot and keep it over medium/low heat.
- Add in the meat, ricotta and pasta to the sauce and mix together well.
- Transfer entire mixture into a large baking dish and cover liberally with the Mozzarella cheese.
- Bake for about 20 minutes until the cheese is nice a brown and bubbly.
- Garnish with some parsley or basil and enjoy!