Easy-Peasy Caprese Crostini

You will need:

1 French Baguette

2 Tomatoes

Olive Oil

5 Sprigs of Basil

Shredded Mozzarella (but I prefer Herb Goat Cheese - any kind, whatev!)

Salt/Pepper

- Make some Basil Oil. This is done by heating some Olive Oil over medium heat and adding a lot of Basil leaves to it. Take off the heat and let cool and then bring to the heat again a few times and then let sit for a while and cool. The oil should be a deep kind of Crayola Green color. Not so much the Yellowish Green that EVOO looks like.

- Slice the tomato into quarter inch slices and soak in the Basil Oil

- Preheat oven to 400 degrees F

- Slice Baguette into diagonal half inch slices

- Cover the Baguette slices with your choice of cheese, spread onto baking sheet and toast until cheese is melted and bread is crispy

- Meanwhile, grill the soaked tomato slices and afterwards cut them to your liking to fit on top of the bread

- Place the tomato on the bread and season with salt and pepper

- Take the remaining basil leaves, mince, and sprinking over the Crostini.

The beauty of Crostini is that it's a fancy Italian word for CRACKER. Do whatever you want with it! Don't like tomato? Make a fancy "Ham and Cheese" by using Prosciutto and Gouda. Spread with Hummus or an Olive Tapenade! Make it a little Jewey and use Smoked Salmon and your favorite Herb Cream Cheese! Do whatever you want as long as it tastes good.

Delish Knish (One for my Heebs)

- 1 whole Yellow Onion sliced in VERY thin rings and Caramelized

(How you do this: Put two tbsp's of Olive Oil in a saucepan and heat up to medium. Toss in the onions and a little but of sugar (brown or regular) and simmer and stir for 35-40 minutes until the onions are completely brown and taste super sweet.)

- 4 cups Mashed Potatoes

(I like to make mine with a shitload of garlic and red potatoes with the skins left on)

- 1 Egg

- Handfull of fresh finely Chopped Parsley

- Salt/Pepper

- 1/2 cup Vegetable Oil

- 1 cup Water

- 1 tbsp White Vinegar

- 1/2 tsp Salt

- 3-4 cups Flour

- 1/2 cup egg wash (this is just a beaten egg)

- Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

- In a mixing bowl combine the Onions, Potatoes, Egg, Parsley, Salt and Pepper and set aside.

- Let's make the dough now. In a seperate mixing bowl combine the Oil, Water, Vinegar, and Salt adding the flour one cup at a time.

- Knead the dough into a ball.

- Now shape this into 4 seperate balls, cover with a damp paper towel or washcloth and let rest for 30 minutes.

- Now sprinkle some flour on a very clean countertop and roll each ball out into a large rectangle. Cover the 4 of these with a sprinkle of flour and cover with a peice of parchment paper or paper towel and let rest for 15 minutes.

- Repeat the following steps for each rectangle of dough.

- Using your hands flatten out the dough super super SUPER fucking thin.

- Using the side of your hand divide the Potato mixture into 4 equal sections.

- Spread one quarter of the Potato mix onto each rectangle leaving a one inch border of dough.

- Roll the dough tightly like a jellyroll and every so often brush the top with Vegetable Oil.

- Divide the roll into 3 parts and cut using the side of your hand.

- Pinch the ends closed and brush the tops with the eggwash and bake in batches on a nonstick baking sheet for 25-30 minutes until golden brown.

Now you can enjoy immedately but, I like to refrigerate them overnight in a tupperware. Then, whenever I'm ready to enjoy, I wrap a Knish in a damp paper towel and microwave for 1 minute. Best enjoyed with Dijon Mustard or your fave Hot Sauce. But do whatever you like!

You can also make this recipe with bacon bits and your favorite cheese. Go nuts! Whatever you like on your potatoes just add to the mix!

Crabby Bellas

You will need:

- 1 LB Jumbo Lump Crab Meat

- 1 TBSP Mayonnaise or Nayonnaise (Soy mayo by Nasoya)

- 1 TSP Dijon Mustard

- 1 TSP Worchestershire Sauce

- 1 TSP Crab Boil seasoning (or any Cajun seasoning will do)

- 12 Saltine Crackers

- 1 Egg

- Butter (enough for a quarter of a TBSP for each Portobello

- 4 - 6 Portobello Caps (destemmed)

- Salt/Pepper

- Paprika

- Lemon slices

- Handful of chopped Parsley for garnish

- In a mixing bowl combine everything except the Crab Meat, Parsley, Paprika, Portobello. Lemon and Butter.

- Gently fold in the Crab Meat making sure every peice has had some contact with the mixture.

- Stuff the Portobello caps with the Crab Meat and top each with 1/4 slice of Butter.

- Place in the fridge for 2 hours.

- Preheat oven to 380 degrees F and bake the Bellos on a non stick baking sheet for 15 minutes.

- Now broil the Caps for 2 minutes.

- Garnish with Parsely, a Sprinkle of Paprika, Lemon and enjoy!

The Firenze Special

You will need:

- 2 Turkey/Chicken Sausage links with the casings pulled off

- Premade tube of Polenta

- Half a Bell Pepper (Yellow or Red) sliced

- Half an onion sliced

- 2 minced Cloves of Garlic

- Olive Oil

- Canola Oil

- Baslamic Vinegar

- Salt/Pepper

- Coat a frying pan with a bit of Olive Oil and turn up to med/high heat. 

- Throw in Sausage, Bell Pepper, Onion and Garlic. Add Balsamic Vinegar to taste, cover and cook thuroughly until there's no more pink in the meat.

- Meanwhile slice the Polenta into half inch patties and season both sides with salt and pepper.

- Coat another pan with Canola oil (about 2 teaspoons) and fry the polenta on both sides for about 4 minutes.

- When the Sausage mix is done top the polenta with it and serve.

Sexy Spinach and Goat Cheese Stuffed Chicken Breast

You will need:

Boneless, skinless chicken breasts (however many you're cooking)

Leaf Spinach (the kind that comes in a bag, not frozen)

Crumbled goat cheese

Salt/Pepper

Your favorite seasonings

- Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F and line a baking pan with foil

- On an extremely clean cutting board take your chicken breast and carefully slice it through the middle opening to make a butterfly cut. Don't slice all the way through.

- On one side add the goat cheese and spinach and close the chicken.

- Top with your salt, pepper and favorite seasoning.

- Bake for 20 - 25 minutes depending on your oven.

Goes great with Jolly Green French Fries!

The Bitch's Better Ramen

Everyone loves Top Ramen. I do. With a vengeance. However, it's jam packed with more sodium and MSG than you can shake a stick at and it wreaks havoc on your metabolism. So here's a way to make equally delicious ramen that won't fuck up your figure as much.

You will need:

1 Pack of your favorite flavor of Top Ramen

2 cups of Chicken Stock (or Beef or Fish depending on your favorite flavor)

Ginger grated of powdered (to taste)

Salt/Pepper (to taste)

White Pepper (to taste)

Celery Seed (to taste)

Thyme (to taste)

Onion Powder (to taste)

Garlic minced or powdered (to taste)

Red Pepper flakes (to taste)

Sriracha (optional)

- Begin by heating up 1 cup of water to a boil and add all of the ingredients except the noodles.

- Use as much as a pinch up to a quarter of the seasoning that comes in the packet of your ramen.

- When everything is boiling together add the noodles.

- When your noodles are soft and no longer stuck together, you're ready.

NOTE: Sriracha is a popular Thai chili sauce. It adds a great flavor but BEWARE. This shit is LETHAL as far as heat goes. Use wisely. 

Also, when eating spring rolls, it's really good to mix it with Hoisen sauce. 

EDIT! It has come to my attention that Sriracha is in fact NOT a Thai sauce but an American one invented by a Vietnamese dude. Thanks, Ricky! For fantastic reviews of Orlando's culinary offerings check out my pal Ricky's blog Tasty Chomps!

Super Stacked Veggie Sandwich

You will need:

- 2 big slices of the Bread of your choice. I like Sourdough.

- 1 Portobello cap halved

- 2 slices of Tomato

- 1 huge handful of Spinach

- 2 Garlic Cloves minced

- Gorgonzola or the cheese of your choice.

- Olive Oil

- Red Wine Vinegar

- Salt/Pepper

- Heat a pan over medium heat and coat with oil. Toss in the Spinach and Garlic and sautee until spinach is soft and wilted. Splash with Vinegar. Season to taste. Remove from pan.

- Coat again with oil and cook the Portobello the same way.

- Meanwhile, toast the bread and season your Tomato slices.

- Assemble and enjoy!