Freakin' Fab Fried Rice

You will need:

2 cups Cooked Rice (I use Jasmine but Long Grain is fine)

Handful of Baby Carrots chopped

1 cup of thawed frozen Peas

Half a Red Onion (or Scallions or White Onion) chopped

2 cloves of minced Garlic

2 Eggs

Handful of Bean Sprouts

3 Tbsp Wok Oil (or Peanut Oil)

2 Tbsp Soy Sauce

1 Tbsp Sesame Oil

2 Tbsp minced Ginger

Salt/White Pepper (or Black, whatev)

Red Pepper Flakes (pinch)

- Coat the bottom of a well seasoned wok or large pan with 1 tbsp of Wok Oil and turn on med/high heat

- Lightly wisk the eggs and add to the wok. Tilt around the wok to make a thin egg "pancake" then, turn it over onto a cutting board and cut into small peices

- Wipe out the wok with a paper towel and coat it with the remaining wok oil and turn up to high heat

- Add in the peas, garlic, ginger, onion, carrots, red pepper, salt and pepper and sautee for around 2 minutes.

- Add in the rice, sesame oil, and soy sauce and sautee for another minute or so

- Toss in the egg and bean sprouts just so they're heated up and serve immediately.

You can also add in mushrooms, shrimp, pork, chicken or beef to this as well. This is way way easy.

Caprese (Kuh-PRAY-Say)

You will need:


1 Tomato
1 Ball of FRESH Mozzarella
Olive Oil
Balsamic Glaze
Fresh Basil


- Slice tomato
- Slice Mozzarella
- Slice up some Basil
- Drizzle plate with oil/glaze
- Assemble however you like.
- If you fuck this recipe up, GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN. You most likely will hurt yourself.

The Bitch's Baked Ziti

You will need:

1lb. Ground Chicken Breast (or Turkey)
4 Chicken/Turkey Sausage Links (casings peeled off)
3 Cloves of Garlic minced
3 Basil Leaves chopped
1 Box of Ziti (I just use Penne)
1 Jar of your fave Marinara Sauce
1 15oz tub of Ricotta Cheese
1 bag of shredded Mozzarella cheese
Salt/Pepper
Red Pepper flakes (to taste)
Olive Oil


- Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F
- Heat a pan on high and drizzle in some oil.
- Add the garlic and meat and using the sharp end of a spatula break the meat apart into small chunks. Season with the salt/pepper/red pepper/basil and whatever other seasoning you like. Oregano, Terragon, Thyme, etc.
- MAKE SURE THE MEAT IS COOKED ALL THE WAY THROUGH! This is poultry and it will seriously mess up your life if it's served raw.
- Meanwhile, bring a large pot of water to a boil and cook the pasta to al dente.
- After draining the pasta add the sauce to the same pot and keep it over medium/low heat.
- Add in the meat, ricotta and pasta to the sauce and mix together well.
- Transfer entire mixture into a large baking dish and cover liberally with the Mozzarella cheese.
- Bake for about 20 minutes until the cheese is nice a brown and bubbly.
- Garnish with some parsley or basil and enjoy!

Cous Cous Party in a Pepper

You will need:

4 Large sturdy red, yellow, orange, green, whatever peppers hollowed out (no seeds or white stuff at all!). Save the tops or not.
4 Cloves of Garlic minced
1 Zucchini chopped
2 small or 1 big Yellow Squash chopped
1 Eggplant chopped
1 Handful of Sun-dried Tomatoes chopped
1 Cup of Israeli Cous Cous (cooked)
2 Cups of chopped Turkey Bacon
Splash of Hot Sauce of your choice (I like Crystal)
Half a cup of Marinara Sauce
Salt/Pepper
Olive Oil
Red Pepper flakes
Mozzarella or Provalone cheese

- Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F
- Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and drizzle Olive Oil on it
- Throw all of the zucchini, squash, garlic, bacon, and eggplant onto the pan and drizzle again with oil
- Season the veggies with salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, hot sauce and toss together
- Spread veggies out evenly on pan and let roast in the oven for 15-18 minutes
- Take veggies out and add the sun-dried tomatoes, cous cous and marinara sauce and put back in the oven for a few more minutes or until the veggies have a soft enough texture of your taste.
- Stuff the peppers with the cous cous and top with cheese
- CAREFULLY put the peppers in the oven until they're cooked through. You'll know when because their colors will change. Compare with the tops you've cut off the peppers
- If you're a strict Veg you can always leave out the bacon and maybe substitute Artichoke Hearts. If you want more meat this is perfect for some chopped up shrimp or bits of Sausage.

Stereotypical Guinea Shrimp Dish

You will need:

1 lb of medium sized peeled, de-veined (no shrimp shit!) shrimp
1 Airplane bottle of white wine (found in convenient 4-packs at 7-11)
3 tbsp of BUTTER Y'ALL!!! (I won't say the word "butter" unless it's in a Paula Deen accent)
1 lemon
3 Cloves of finely minced Garlic
Half a cup of chopped fresh Parsley
Salt/Pepper
Olive Oil
Angel Hair pasta or whatever you like

- Heat your pan on med/high and just drizzle a small amount of Olive Oil
- When the oil is hot enough throw in the garlic
- Add the butter and the wine and let the butter melt
- Put your shrimp in a bag and season with the salt/pepper. Seal the bag and shake and then toss the shrimp into the pan.
- Add the parsley and the juice of your lemon. For extra flavor you can throw the skins in (no seeds!) just make sure you remove them before you serve.
- Meanwhile you should have boiled water, added pasta, blah blah blah.
- Plate the pasta and using tongs, place the shrimp on top. Then add the remaining sauce over the pasta, garnish with a little more parsley and enjoy.
- Every Italian has their own way of making the shrimp/white wine sauce. This mine because it's easy and tasty and eating shrimp at home makes me feel rich.

Sweet Peach Savannah Salsa, Y'all

You will need:

3 or 4 ripe ass Peaches peeled, de-cored, and diced
3 or 4 Tomatoes diced
1 Red or Orange or Yellow pepper diced
1 Red onion diced
2 Jalapenos gutted (no seeds!) and diced
3 Garlic cloves minced
1 tablespoon of Cilantro
Apple Cider Vinegar
Honey
Sugar
Red Wine Vinegar
Salt/Pepper
Red Pepper flakes

- This recipe is so fun because NOTHING IS EXACT!
- Pretty much throw all this shit into one big pan, bring to a boil and then down to a simmer.
- Keep tasting it to help you decide if it needs more of this or that.
- Once you've gotten everything to the exact taste/textures you want, throw it into a container and let it chill overnight in the fridge.
- PS: I fuckin HATE Cilantro but I only use a teeny tiny bit in this recipe because it really works well with the jalapenos and salsa just tastes naked without it. But if you love it, go nuts. You can also use fresh mint for a refreshing blast that doesn't taste bitter.

Polenta Fritters with a Sweet and Spicy Bruschetta Relish

You will need:

1 Tube of pre-made polenta (any flavor can work but I use Basil/Garlic)
3 Big leaves of Basil
2 Garlic Cloves
1 Tomato
1 Red Onion
Olive Oil
Red Pepper Flakes
Oregano flakes
Salt/Pepper
Balsamic Vinegar
Honey
2 eggs
Grated Parmesan Cheese
Pile of Italian seasoned breadcrumbs

- Heat a saucepan on med/high heat and fill about one third up with Olive Oil
- Slice the polenta log into half inch slices
- Wash the polenta slices in egg and then cover in breadcrumbs
- Toss (GINGERLY) into the pan and turn over when browned
- When the polenta is browned on both sides place onto a dish lined with paper towels to absoarb excess grease
- Meanwhile, mix half a cup of olive oil and half a cup of balsamic into a bowl
- Mince the garlic and add that
- Add red pepper flakes, oregano, salt and pepper to taste
- Add one big squirt of honey and mix like fuckin crazy!
- Chop the tomato and onion into small cubes
- Spread the tomato/onion mix over polenta fritters
- Drizzle the dressing over the relish and top with grated parmesan cheese and chopped basil